What kind of blog post is this?? breaking the norm? shifting from the ideology that our marital success lies in marrying our best friends? deviating from the cliche? eekk…well here goes.
I saw him, pristine long sleeved white shirt with vertical black and grey stripes and grey slacks with perfect seams; a few minutes late for work but that was no deterrent to the simple yet perfect example of love he was about to demonstrate….the kind of actions that remind me all of the hard things we endured were worth it. He reversed his own car from the garage, got into mine which was parked on the driveway and parked it inside the garage before proceeding to leave for work. All of this in a totally nonchalant manner, not expecting a compliment or making any specific mention of it. I opened the garage door and asked, “What are you doing?”, “nothing, just parking your car so it would be cooler when you leave later, its already 88 degrees outside.” To me, it was symbolic of something much deeper and a proclamation of all the things I wanted to believe when I got married at just 22.
I didn’t by any means marry my best friend, I married someone I knew had the ability to eventually become my best friend on a much deeper, sacred level; someone whose character, beliefs and values aligned with all the things I wanted. Someone who would look out for me, care for me, laugh with me and at me, protect me and comfort me. Someone with whom I could easily share my imperfections without being judged, someone who would be my partner in life and faith, who would walk this walk with me through prayer and sacrifice.
But here’s the thing, the thing so many of us forget… Marriage begins after the wedding, and often, the beauty is found after the storm. I don’t speak about this often but the truth is, if we didn’t stick around and weathered the storms, we wouldn’t be here basking in the sunshine and enjoying the rainbows.
After almost 9 years, I’m no expert, we are still failing and succeeding, still learning things about each other, still learning how to parent in the best way possible, still learning how to budget, still strengthening our faith, and still figuring out life but there’s a couple things that are apparent:
1) I’m grateful I didn’t marry my best friend; but I’m overjoyed that in almost a decade of life together we have managed to combine the stitches of perfect intentions laced together with our firm belief in fate and faith to overlook all of our imperfections and find ourselves individually and together in this beautiful and exhilarating but hard and sometimes murky puddle of bliss…and at the end of the day I’m glad we grew to become much more than best friends because there’s no one I would rather wipe brownie batter from my face or laugh at food particles stuck in my teeth than him and as i type this, a reminder comes up on my phone, “pick up husbands dry clean and contacts”. This is the real deal and what its all about.
2) Sometimes marriage sucks and sometimes it rocks; I go to bed every night and wake up every morning with his mere presence being my security but there are also moments when I want to roll him down a very bumpy hill.. And there are moments when he undoubtedly wants to do the same to me. Haha
3) Marriage is hard work; some people exhaust all of their mental faculties’ taste testing cake and planning their wedding. Let’s be realistic …that was the easiest part of the journey!
4) The beauty often emerges after the storm- how else can one appreciate it right? We have become a society that prides itself on concepts of utter self-love, instant gratification and entitlement so much so that the easiest thing to do when the storms appear is to walk away… but please, be brave, have faith, compromise, and remember why you embarked on this journey.
I’m glad God granted us both the wisdom and perseverance to endure the tests and trials of marriage.
ps. husband, thanks for parking my car- i appreciate it and i appreciate you! 🙂