The burden we place on spouses

This year would be 9 years since I’ve gotten married and there’s much I have learnt and much left to be learnt but the most important lesson thus far is that we are, each of us responsible for the course of our own happiness. Fairy tales make us believe that our knight in shining armor comes equipped with everything to fill and somehow complete our multi faceted beings, but the truth is we are far too complicated.

When we get married we expect that person will listen keenly to every word and remember it; we expect that they will spend all of their time with us; we expect that they will share all of our interests ….. And then we realize the truth, we really get a weekend movie friend, dinner partner, someone you hope will share the dish doing chore, a shopping bag carrier and a chauffeur for when you’re too tired. Of course, that changes when you have kids, when you add them to the equation, you get a midnight barf cleaner and someone who helps tie shoe laces and brush teeth.

Fulfilling every part of my personality and all of my wants and needs( and that of anyone else’s) is far too much of a burden to place on any single individual and will ultimately result in us being very unhappy individuals. I highly recommend having a dependable network of friends, family and colleagues who can help to fulfill your needs.

They say love is a language and so we have to find and appreciate the vernaculars of the language our significant other is speaking amidst our own noisy banter and often lofty expectations. We have to be able to compromise and accept what they are willing to offer, give what we reasonably can and find a happy medium.